i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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