we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
