He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
