Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
