how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
