All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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