...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
