I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
