what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
