I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
