And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i've created a new STD.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I want is dick and wine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
