Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
