Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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