Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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