I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to make out with him forever
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
