How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
