Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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