Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
