Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
