stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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