used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
