Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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