Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
