May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
