My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
