Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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