I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
