I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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