You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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