Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
