yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
