I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
