So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
