you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
