do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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