Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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