Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
