I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize