I am puke
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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