Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
