I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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