you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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