She is in my trunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
