You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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