I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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