WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
