I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
