So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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