Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
