I have demons in me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
