Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
