I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
