too bad you live with your parents still
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
