she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
