Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
not ubering you a puppy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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