Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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