Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
