I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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