If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
