I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
