So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
