Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
