Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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