My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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