Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
