she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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