You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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