I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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