We won't sleep together?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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