I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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