When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
