I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
