You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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