My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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