I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
