I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think my cat just said my name.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
