I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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