I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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