Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize