She said her name was "party"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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