all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Someone came in the potted fern
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
