My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
