i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
