i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So vagazzling was a success
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
