Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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