Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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