it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
