I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize