Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
