so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
