I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
