i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
