it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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