great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
