Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
