Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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