I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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